Developers try to make their office buildings comply with the strictest of eco-criteria, adorn them with a variety of vegetation, and ensure their access to daylight and fresh air. But then an employee like you arrives and sabotages all their efforts for a healthy work environment! Is that employee literally you? What are your health-harming work habits?
Determine your office score and learn how long you can make it at your workplace unharmed.
Scientists over their microscopes and boys over their beer are constantly debating coffee’s (un)healthy effects. We won’t be arguing here that one cup of coffee is fine and three are a ticket to the grave. Your workplace concern should be the freshness of your coffee. Coffee beans spoil easily, attracting a menagerie of beasties and mold.
- I have no idea how old our coffee is. Neither does the office manager. To be honest, our machine’s coffee is so awful, we probably actually fill it with rabbit turds. (1 point)
- Our office manager takes good care of us. They buy good coffee beans and carefully watch expiration dates. (2 points)
- I have my own coffee, my own grinder, my own aeropress/French press/drip, and my own mustache. (3 points)
Keyboards are allegedly 400x more infectious than toilet seats. So, take your hand off your keyboard and place it on your heart—how often do you clean yours?
- I blow on my keyboard often! Every time I dump crumbs into it. But water would definitely short it out, I won’t risk that. (1 point)
- I sometimes steal a moistened screen wipe from one desk over for a touch of cleaning. I also turn the keyboard upside down once in a while and tap out the crumbs. Although... in the end it’s the cleaning lady’s job, isn’t it? (2 points)
- I use special cleaning agents made specially for keyboards with special disinfectant effects. Every time I go to write an e-mail, I put on a new pair of rubber gloves. (3 points)
Desk work is the smoking of our age. Enlightened companies are trying to introduce “standing” meetings, and e.g. Google and Microsoft are literally a step ahead, as they’ve bought boards and treadmills to replace desks and chairs. How is it with you and sitting?
- I sit down in my car, at my computer, for lunch, in my car, and at my TV, and then I go to sleep. I sit in my sleep too. (1 point)
- I try to take turns working at my desk and getting up to walk a little. I walk over to see what the rest of my team is wearing, what’s good in the cafeteria, whether or not the boss is out... (2 points)
- I have an alarm set on my phone for every half hour. I jump out of my chair and dash off ten pushups, five burpees, a sprint in place, and then I wrap up by downing a cup of water. (3 points)
Some researchers at Harvard ran a meta-analysis of over 200 studies and learned that job stress can be as bad for you as passive smoking. So a bad-tempered boss is basically a pack of cigarettes. Do your superiors burn you up?
- I head to work an hour early just in case. I... don’t have nice memories of coming late. I take my work laptop with me even on vacation. I bake cupcakes at night to make sure the boss has something sweet to go with their coffee. (1 point)
- My tactic is visibility. I’m visible when I’m needed, and I’m invisible when there’s trouble. (2 points)
- No, Luke. I am the boss. (3 points)
4 – 6 points = Your workplace just might kill you!
We recommend thinking twice about staying there. You’ll probably work best from home.
7 – 9 points = Your workplace has a pretty good chance of not killing you.
But don’t bet your life on it. By the way, would it seriously kill you to clean your keyboard once in a while?
10 – 12 points = Every office real estate developer loves you.
Your healthy habits resonate perfectly with a healthy office. Congratulations! Keep it up, so the rest of us can stay home.