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10 Things Nobody Wants to Hear at a Company Christmas Party

Article December 3, 2018  |  Text by Lucie Dlouhá Text by Lucie Dlouhá

In a way, a company Christmas party is a reward for employees’ efforts at their jobs throughout the year. But for some people, it’s also a dangerous event—one where they become “famous” at the company. If you’ve got a Christmas party coming up, make sure that none of these 10 sentences ever leave your lips.

1. Everybody here is kind of weird. How about we go somewhere else?

If you say these words in front of the “right” people, it’s basically assured you’ll go somewhere else… to work. No matter how many you’ve got in you, some comments should just be avoided. There are lots of things that you might think, but you don’t have to say out loud.

2. Hey Carl, just call me Bob!

Christmas parties serve to improve relationships among employees, but that doesn’t mean you have to offer to be on a first-name basis with everyone you meet. (Of course, people might already use first names all the time in your company or country—but you might still want to avoid funny nicknames!) Not with your boss, and not even with any peers that you just might want to call “Mr. Smith” the next day.

3. Who do I have to buy a drink for to get a raise around here?

You definitely don’t want the people at your company to start saying you’re so incompetent, you had to get someone drunk to move up the ladder.

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4. Are we out of drinks?!

This one applies if you’re an organizer. You should never have to doubt that everyone’s well “hydrated” throughout the event. A Christmas party without alcohol = not a Christmas party.

5. My last company’s parties were a lot better.

If you say this in front of the guy who just spent the last half a year making sure everyone’s well-hydrated tonight (and who did it on a shoestring budget), you… might want to watch your glass for the rest of the evening. If it leaves your view, you might then find you’re drinking something completely different than you think.

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6. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to lay half of you off. Only come into work tomorrow if your wardrobe ticket tonight is odd-numbered.

Leading a company? Love icebreakers? Think this is a good one? You’ll likely find it increases tension rather than decreasing it, as everyone starts chattering about whether or not it was really a joke.

7. Oh, I also wanted to ask about that presentation we’re cooperating on…

Leave work aside for one night and try to have fun! Christmas parties only come once a year, and if your presentation has waited until now, it will wait until at least tomorrow too.

8. That ain’t Claire’s first lap dance!

You’ve got a younger teammate who came to the party in a miniskirt and who’s sitting on the lap of your building’s biggest hunk while you’re standing in the food line next to a guy in a reindeer sweater. At that sort of moment, there’s the temptation of making a snide note like this to make it clear that you definitely aren’t such easy prey. But what you don’t know here is that Claire has been living for a month with that guy in the reindeer sweater, and they’re serious about it.

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9. Still waiting for your Christmas bonus too?

As your blood alcohol level increases at the party, you’ll generally also have an increasing desire to know how things will be with this year’s bonuses. Sober up a bit on this one and wait for your evaluation interview back at the office, or else your hangover might hurt even more.

10. Without our department, this company couldn’t even exist!

Boasting about how your department is the only one that’s really working and really gets results definitely won’t improve your relationships. Watch out, so that your superiors don’t later tell you that while the company might not make it without your department, they can definitely make it without you.

►►► The 10 Golden Rules for Surviving Company Parties

►►► Christmas Gifts: 10 Tips to Surprise Your Workmates